We all come to the mat in our own way and for different reasons, it is what we find on the mat that unites us. I would like introduce and share Annamaria Fanelli's story with you..... I would also like to welcome Annamaria to the Ananda family, she completed her training at Nosara Yoga Institute in Costa Rica and she is also a registered holistic nutritionist and founder of In the Raw Living. Visit our schedule at www.anandayogastudios.com for up to date info on which of our four studios she is teaching at!
With Yoga, I found my voice
How can a simple, unassuming four letter word change your life? I found that answer the day I unrolled a yoga mat, had a comfortable seat and took my first conscious deep breaths. Inhale….. Exhale…..
It was the...
How can a simple, unassuming four letter word change your life? I found that answer the day I unrolled a yoga mat, had a comfortable seat and took my first conscious deep breaths. Inhale….. Exhale…..
It was the...
spring of 2001. At that time I was completely unaware of the miracle that was about to unfold. My mat has become my mirror. As my yoga practice continues to evolve, the past eleven years of my life are slowly being reflected back at me. On March 12th, 2000, I had my first anxiety attack. I didn’t know what was happening or why, all I knew was that I was terrified. My heart was beating so hard, it felt as if it was going to pop out of my chest. Tightness in the throat, feelings of nausea, dizzy, numbness in the legs, shaking, can’t breathe and the urge to vomit. I thought I was having a heart attack. Needless to say, I ended up in the hospital that day and many more times to follow. Doctors of course, put me on medication. Tried several different options of drugs but nothing really helped. I couldn’t sleep, developed a fear to speak in front of people, and I couldn’t go out with my friends because I was afraid of having an attack and didn’t want to embarrass myself. In a desperate effort to detach from the pain, I also detached from the world and myself. Anxiety took over my life. Fortunately, I was truly blessed with an amazing support system of family and friends. Their love, compassion and faith in me during my time of darkness and despair also encouraged me to finally take control of my life. I didn’t want to take drugs so I started reading books on anxiety and how to cope with it and one book recommended yoga, deep breathing, meditation and journaling. Journaling gave me a sacred space to just “be”, express my thoughts, emotions and feelings without having to verbalize them. Reflecting on journal entries, I chose to reclaim my power. No longer was I going to be a passive participant in my own life.
Rocked by emotions and judgmental thought, and at the mercy of mental ailments, while desperately trying to raise the level of chi and trying to fit in some where, I become aware of all the strife involved in the pursuits of a better life or way of being. Ironically, the challenges are sometimes quite the opposite to what we think they are supposed to be. For instance, positive thinking is not an end in itself, because that would just be a way of denying the negative that is intrinsic to a polarised attitude. You can't become an unconditionally loving person just by willing it, because you will be a fake and you will simply be suppressing negative tendencies. Sooner or later it will become apparent. The process is much trickier, as you must gradually work your way through the inner bullshit and find a way out of false or fake attitudes. Meanwhile, trying not to be so hard on yourself as you recognize that a judgemental attitude towards the self is just as detrimental as it is towards others. I've had to go back in time to the moment I had my own personal "revelation" which lead to a lot of research into esotericism and soul searching. It was then when I began to evolve spiritually. We all have spirituality in us, its a matter of opening ourselves up to the truth of our existence and it grows with one’s own life experiences.
During those bleak moments, when minutes felt like days, I would often focus on what it would be like to plant the seed of hope in someone who was on a similar journey to mine. Now, eleven years to the day I unrolled my mat, yoga has reconnected me with my inner self. Prior to stepping onto my mat for the first time, I felt that I had truly lost myself and had doubts if I would or could ever find my way back. But I realize now that I was never lost. My inner light was always glowing and helping guide my journey even though I wasn’t aware of it. I will be forever grateful to that light for showing me the way to yoga: a refuge from self-judgment, a canvas for self-expression, and an oasis from the roller coaster of pain. I have found peace.
My choice to live free of pain medication & anxiety has given me a voice. A voice to share my story. To be vulnerable and express my hopes and fears, strengths and weaknesses, challenges and triumphs. The strong feeling of community that envelopes me while practising yoga alongside others is truly remarkable. Being in a safe place like a yoga studio and choosing to be open to the myriad of emotions and sensations that may arise before, during, and after practice allows me to explore all the little crevices of myself. By acknowledging all that arises within me, embracing both the light and dark, I am now able to face my true self. Since embarking on my yoga journey, I have not laughed so hard, cried so much or shared my authentic self with others more often.
I see my pain as a blessing. At that time, every moment of every day I was faced with the choice of acceptance; I can fight to stay in denial and falsely believe that pain does not dictate my life or I can choose to accept the fact that my day is often geared around my pain level and surrender to it. For so long I felt that by surrendering I would be seen as weak and that I was giving in. But I now realize that by choosing to surrender and just be in the moment I am being given an amazing learning opportunity. The practice of yoga is all about surrendering. When the poses get challenging, whether it be physical, emotional, or mental I have the choice to retreat or to open myself up and just be. As I was riding the wave of sensations in each pose, with every inhalation and exhalation, I found that soft place. My place of peace. When I connected to my breath, all else was momentarily forgotten. Yoga has been a gift to me and it is through my own journey that inspired me to become a teacher so that I may share in this gift with everyone that crosses my path. Along my course of healing, yoga and meditation has helped me be free of anxiety attacks, remain grounded and exude my personal power within to stabilize my mind and body. I am grateful for the incredible gift of almost magical renewal each day -- whether I deserve it or not -- and I thoroughly enjoy trying to impart this same life-improving gift to my students.
One definition of yoga is that it means union; union of mind, body and soul. I feel that the ‘u’ in union represents you. You are the one that chooses to try yoga or to keep returning to your mat. You are the one that feels each pose and gets to explore all the sensations that bubble to the surface. There is no need for a prescription from a doctor, a trip to the pharmacy or even to leave your house.
May your practice help you open your heart and mind to the unlimited potential of your being:)
From my light to yours
Rocked by emotions and judgmental thought, and at the mercy of mental ailments, while desperately trying to raise the level of chi and trying to fit in some where, I become aware of all the strife involved in the pursuits of a better life or way of being. Ironically, the challenges are sometimes quite the opposite to what we think they are supposed to be. For instance, positive thinking is not an end in itself, because that would just be a way of denying the negative that is intrinsic to a polarised attitude. You can't become an unconditionally loving person just by willing it, because you will be a fake and you will simply be suppressing negative tendencies. Sooner or later it will become apparent. The process is much trickier, as you must gradually work your way through the inner bullshit and find a way out of false or fake attitudes. Meanwhile, trying not to be so hard on yourself as you recognize that a judgemental attitude towards the self is just as detrimental as it is towards others. I've had to go back in time to the moment I had my own personal "revelation" which lead to a lot of research into esotericism and soul searching. It was then when I began to evolve spiritually. We all have spirituality in us, its a matter of opening ourselves up to the truth of our existence and it grows with one’s own life experiences.
During those bleak moments, when minutes felt like days, I would often focus on what it would be like to plant the seed of hope in someone who was on a similar journey to mine. Now, eleven years to the day I unrolled my mat, yoga has reconnected me with my inner self. Prior to stepping onto my mat for the first time, I felt that I had truly lost myself and had doubts if I would or could ever find my way back. But I realize now that I was never lost. My inner light was always glowing and helping guide my journey even though I wasn’t aware of it. I will be forever grateful to that light for showing me the way to yoga: a refuge from self-judgment, a canvas for self-expression, and an oasis from the roller coaster of pain. I have found peace.
My choice to live free of pain medication & anxiety has given me a voice. A voice to share my story. To be vulnerable and express my hopes and fears, strengths and weaknesses, challenges and triumphs. The strong feeling of community that envelopes me while practising yoga alongside others is truly remarkable. Being in a safe place like a yoga studio and choosing to be open to the myriad of emotions and sensations that may arise before, during, and after practice allows me to explore all the little crevices of myself. By acknowledging all that arises within me, embracing both the light and dark, I am now able to face my true self. Since embarking on my yoga journey, I have not laughed so hard, cried so much or shared my authentic self with others more often.
I see my pain as a blessing. At that time, every moment of every day I was faced with the choice of acceptance; I can fight to stay in denial and falsely believe that pain does not dictate my life or I can choose to accept the fact that my day is often geared around my pain level and surrender to it. For so long I felt that by surrendering I would be seen as weak and that I was giving in. But I now realize that by choosing to surrender and just be in the moment I am being given an amazing learning opportunity. The practice of yoga is all about surrendering. When the poses get challenging, whether it be physical, emotional, or mental I have the choice to retreat or to open myself up and just be. As I was riding the wave of sensations in each pose, with every inhalation and exhalation, I found that soft place. My place of peace. When I connected to my breath, all else was momentarily forgotten. Yoga has been a gift to me and it is through my own journey that inspired me to become a teacher so that I may share in this gift with everyone that crosses my path. Along my course of healing, yoga and meditation has helped me be free of anxiety attacks, remain grounded and exude my personal power within to stabilize my mind and body. I am grateful for the incredible gift of almost magical renewal each day -- whether I deserve it or not -- and I thoroughly enjoy trying to impart this same life-improving gift to my students.
One definition of yoga is that it means union; union of mind, body and soul. I feel that the ‘u’ in union represents you. You are the one that chooses to try yoga or to keep returning to your mat. You are the one that feels each pose and gets to explore all the sensations that bubble to the surface. There is no need for a prescription from a doctor, a trip to the pharmacy or even to leave your house.
May your practice help you open your heart and mind to the unlimited potential of your being:)
From my light to yours
